"What embitters the world is not excess of criticism, but an absence of self-criticism." - G.K. Chesterton

Friday, June 15, 2007

Last Day (to my friends at Agency 128)

Today is my last day at the shop. It's weird. I've spend more time in this office than I have in my own house these last 4.5 years. Much has changed in me since I walked into this place for the first time. My eyes were wide with wonder as I entered what I had always thought to be "the real world". In many ways it was everything I had hoped it would be and more. But in another sense I slowly came to realize that though this job was better than anything I could have hoped for right out of college, it wasn't me.

I took some things home last night. Walls that once held my personal art are now bare. The ledge below my window that once held an assortment of various knickknacks I've collected over the years is now empty.

That's the thing about life, you know. You live in the now. You remember the past. You can see how it influenced who you who you are today, but you can never go back. The trick is to embrace all the good that came out of those times and use what you learned to help shape your future. There's no need to stare longingly back into the mists of time wishing you could be there again. It's like grabbing at smoke; the moment you try and grasp it, you destroy it's beauty.

I guess the way I see it, good memories are not just good times that you'd like to relive, but they are opportunities to learn about the core of who you are. As I look back upon these last 4.5 yrs I can see the parts of this job that brought me the greatest fulfillment were not actually the job at all: Lunch with Jen, a walk with Brad, a road-trip with Gina, a counseling session with Connie, some life lessons from Ross, shootin' stuff with Tim, talking about Silver Bay with Sandy, a bit of encouragement from Carrie, a friendly visit from Doc and basically the times where I was able to sit down with someone and kick around thoughts on why we are here.

This life is bigger than we often see it. It's easy to be rocked to sleep by the lullaby of a busy life and making ends meet. Slowly, our eyes close and be begin to lose sight of the inexplicable wonder of our own existence. However, for me it seems the opposite has happened. When I look at each of you I see beauty. I see joy. I see wisdom. I can see how the creator of all existence would see fit to pay such a price for you. Realizing that not everyone here agrees my assessment of the larger reality we inhabit, I hope you can feel my sentiment through any objections you might have.

This has been a great chapter in my life, but it's time to move on. I see this step less as a change in who I am, as it is more of an acceptance of who I've always been. Thank you for the part you have played in my life. I always cherish the time we shared.

Thank you.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

You sieze to amaze me! Maybe its my regret of not having the opportunity to fully embrace and get to know the inner Alex. Is it my loss or now has it become my clearer vision?

Its the middle of the afternoon, Avah is now layed down to nap, the boys are fed and its my rountine to check my messages in hopes to fullfill some business quest. But today was different.
Today I opened this farewell note and now I find myself in awe. Lingering words that seem to embrace each of our destinies to not only survive... but to LIVE. Your right, we get swept in the lullabies of busy hectic lives, routines and material quests. If only we all good stop to take a deap long breath and really breath!

Today, you have helped "me" and I "thank you" for the blessing of reminding me of the importance of each and every piece of lifes paths and obsticales. Obsticales that yearn to be embraced by the teachings that come out of each and every one.

Alex you will do wonderful things, you already have... and for that I thank you!

God Bless,

1:08 PM

Blogger Alex said...

Thanks Carrie,
Your words are once again of great encouragement! You take care of yourself. I'm sure you haven't seen the last of me. :-)

5:10 PM

Blogger Ruthie said...

I wish you well in this next chapter of your life... it must be wrenching, in a way, to leave all the trappings of the last four years behind... but you'll do fantastically. I'm sure of it.

11:39 AM


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